he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
