even my farts smell like vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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