i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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