My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
