I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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