Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
