Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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