Four minutes until I can fart!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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