I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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