i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
