My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
