i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
