haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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