she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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