I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
