she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize