Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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