There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize