So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
