omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
