you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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