i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my being single is dangerous.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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