Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were trust falling into bushes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
