i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
