dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
