she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
