She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
