road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
