smell my finger.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
