M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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