He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize