oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
