just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
