She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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