i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
