i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
