I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
