My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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