he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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