I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
