is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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