I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
