I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
