god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
