paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
