I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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