so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
