i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Randomize
