Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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