So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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