Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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