i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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