You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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