we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
