I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
