ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
