she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
