You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
