just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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