He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
