i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
