your parents love me but you hate me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
