I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
