one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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