return my video game
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
