My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize