Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
