He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
