My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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