I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
