I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
