Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
