Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
