what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
