OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
