worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
