He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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