I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
