operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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