I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize